Interview with Eragon Shadeslayer
by Grumpy Alchemist
Summary: I somehow convinced Eragon to sit down for an interview. Learn what this Rider has to say! WARNING: May contain slight Eldest spoilers, but I think I avoided the major ones.


A/N: This was written for my English class. I read Eldest for my book report, and one of the projects I did was to make an interview with one of the characters. I originally was going to interview Saphira, since she's way better than Eragon in my opinion, but that proved a bit difficult for me. So here's my interview with Eragon Shadeslayer!

Grumpy Alchemist: I would like to welcome everyone here in the audience! Today we have a very special guest. Please, put your hands together for… Eragon!

_Enter Eragon, fans cheering loudly._

Eragon: _Touches fingers to lips_. Atra esterní ono thelduin.

GA: That's alright! You don't need to practice the elf customs here! I barely know them myself!

Eragon: _Relaxes_ Thank the gods! I was sure if I practiced that greeting one more time, my head was going to explode! So…why am I here again?

GA: For an interview! Isn't that exciting?

Eragon: When you say "exciting" do you mean like flying high in the sky on the back of your dragon?

GA: Only if flying is being asked many questions by an inquisitive fan!

Eragon: _Sighs_ Fine. Let us partake in this interrogation.

GA: Alright! First question: Is there a "special someone" out there?

Eragon: I do fancy a woman… but the age difference is too great, and she does not return the same feelings.

GA: That's too bad… these fans were all going to marry you!

Eragon: …What? I have not met any of these girls before, and I would definitely not marry any of them!

_Audience becoming angry_

GA: On to the next question! Do you miss your mommy?

Eragon: I never met my mother. Garrow told me she came to his house to birth me. Afterward my mother, Selena, convinced Uncle Garrow and Aunt Marian to keep me; then she left. I recently learned she died; I wish I had known her.

GA: I'm sorry, Argetlam! I didn't mean to--- I didn't know---

Eragon: Don't fret. It is not you're fault I never met my mother. Are there any more questions?

GA: Yep! Lots! Question number three: Why are you such a blockhead?

Eragon: What?! I am no such thing!

GA: Angela told me you are!

Eragon: Well if you must know, I accidentally cursed an innocent child.

GA: You what?! How dare you! And I thought you were the good guy!

Eragon: It wasn't meant to be a curse! I thought I was giving the child a blessing. But my lack of knowledge of the Ancient Language caused me to conjugate a verb wrong, thus sealing the girl's fate.

GA: Blockhead.

Eragon: Would you desist! I know I made a horrible mistake, and I am truly sorry and in deep distress for what pain I must have caused the girl. But I have learned a way I can lesson, or even eliminate the spell she is under.

GA: As long as you right your wrongs…

Eragon: I shall.

GA: Good. Fourth question: Can you read my mind?

Eragon: Yes, and also the audience's.

_Everyone screams in panic._

GA: Get out of my head!

Eragon: Stop panicking! I am only picking up everyone's general intents. I am a Rider, as you know. Since any of you could be my enemy, I must be able to tell if any plans to hurt me or anyone else.

GA: I would feel better if you stop.

Eragon: I'm sorry, I cannot do that.

GA: Do you want me to bring Galbatorix in here?

Eragon: NO!

GA: Then be so kind as to let everyone keep their privacy.

Eragon: _grumbles_ Fine.

GA: Good! Fifth question: Do you know you are beautiful?

Eragon: Yes.

GA: That's a bit vain, isn't it?

Eragon: Did you want me to lie?

GA: No, I just thought you would at least blush. I was hoping to embarrass you.

Eragon: Why should that embarrass me?

GA: Because you look a bit effeminate to me.

Eragon: I do not!

GA: Yes you do.

Eragon: I look like an elf! I do not look like a woman!

GA: Whatever you say... Question number six: What race do you prefer: dwarves or elves?

Eragon: A serious question at last! Well, I now belong to the dwarf clan Durgrimst Ingeitum, and my good friend Orik belongs to the same clan. But being in Ellesméra was so alluring. So peaceful I wouldn't mind living there. But since your question seems to be talking about the people, I would choose the dwarves. For lifestyle though, I prefer the elves.

GA: Nice choice! Seventh question: What's it like to have Misery?

Eragon: Do you mean Zar'roc?

GA: Yeah!

Eragon: Zar'roc has aided me in many frays, including the Battle of the Burning Plains. I say that Zar'roc is a great sword, but with one small problem; my brother took it from me.

GA: Roran? Of course he would steal it. Zar'roc is so disturbingly awesome.

Eragon: Roran's my cousin! And he would never steal anything from me!

GA: Don't have to yell! So who stole your sword?

Eragon: My brother did. He took it. He could have at least given me his own sword in return! Curse him! We may be related by blood, but Roran is more of a brother than he.

GA: Didn't I just say Roran was your brother?

Eragon: Yes, but you truly believed he was my biological brother.

GA: I thought I told you to stop reading minds! That's it! Galba…!

_Eragon covers Grumpy Alchemist's mouth so she can't call Galbatorix_

Eragon: Alright! I'll stop seeking your thoughts! Just don't bring _him_ in here!

_Eragon sits down again_

GA: _Glares_ Eighth Question! From your reaction to the king, I'll assume you're not ready to fight him?

Eragon: I'll face him when I feel like it. _Pouts_

GA: _snaps a picture _I can't wait to show this to Angela and Saphira!

Eragon: No! Give that fairth to me!!

GA: Ha! I _bet _you'd want this photo! _Grins wickedly_

Eragon: Fine then! If you won't cooperate… brisingr!

_Picture bursts into flames in Grumpy Alchemist's hand._

GA: I regret ever choosing you for this interview. Question number nine! How well are you adjusting to the vegan lifestyle?

Eragon: Very well, thank you.

GA: But don't you miss eating venison, beef, and rabbits?

Eragon: Sure, I miss the taste, but think about the innocent lives destroyed just so I can eat a favorite meal.

GA: I quite understand. I used to be a vegetarian myself for two years. Ready for the final question?

Eragon: Yes!

GA: What… is your name?

Eragon: Eragon Shadeslayer

GA: What… is your quest?

Eragon: To avenge Garrow, and to defeat the King.

GA: What… is your favorite color?

Eragon: Red. No, blue! No…

_Eragon is thrown over the edge of a conveniently near-by volcano._

Eragon: Auuuuuuuuuugh!!!!!!!

_Saphira swoops in and catches Eragon before he hits the lava. _

End


End file.
